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(共44張PPT)
山重水復“續”有路，讀析“寫”評又一村
a thief …
Learning objectives
文本解讀(讀)
搭建支架(析)
建構語言(寫)
作品點評(評)
該篇續寫的理論依據：讀—析—寫—評
為解決當前英語讀寫教學中 “為讀而讀、 為寫而寫” 的問題，文章結合讀后續寫高考寫作新題型構建了 “讀—析—寫—評” 的教學路徑， 并通過課例詳細詮釋了 “解構語篇邏輯， 理解主題” “梳理關鍵信息，搭建支架” “建構情節發展，表達主題” “立足評價標準， 反思修改” 四個教學步驟。
閱讀
分析
寫作
評改
1
文本解讀(讀)
閱讀：解構語篇邏輯，
理解主題
第二節（滿分25分）
閱讀下面材料，根據其內容和所給段落開頭語續寫兩段，使之構成一篇完整的短文。
Kevin was pretty bored. His mother was at work, and his father had been away on business. Therefore, he was left in the care of Mrs. Hill, an old lady who lived next door. His parents had raised the 12-year-old to be a good boy. He never got into trouble, though sometimes he wanted to do risky things. Mrs. Hill was asleep. Kevin sighed (嘆息) and hoped something exciting would happen. Suddenly, a movement outside caught his eye.
Mrs. Hill’s front window faced Mr. and Mrs. Green’s house across the street. The couple had both gone to work, so it was strange that someone was over there. Kevin stared at the man at their front door. Suddenly, the man jumped through an open window into the house. With his heart in his mouth, Kevin grabbed Mrs. Hill’s home phone and called the police.
Thinking that the man might get away with whatever he wanted before the police arrived, Kevin decided to do something. He rushed out of Mrs. Hill’s house and crossed the street quickly. Grabbing a branch from a cut-down tree, he jumped in through the window. “Stop right there! You must leave right now!” he called out, holding the branch with both hands.
文本解讀
The man froze for a second, but when he saw the skinny boy he breathed a sigh of relief. “Hey, kid, put that down. It was my home. My parents used to live here and my father’s watch was here,” he explained, trying to lift a floorboard.
At that moment, the sounds of a police car echoed (回響) in the air. The man stood up in a panic, then ran through the house toward the window and jumped out. Kevin followed out and told the arriving police officers what had happened. They pursued and arrested the man.
Kevin went back to Mrs. Hill’s house. Somehow he wasn’t sure he had done the right thing. “What if he has told the truth ” he thought to himself. The man’s words sounded pretty convincing.
注意：
1．續寫詞數應為150左右；
2．請按如下格式在答題卡的相應位置作答。
Paragraph 1: When Mr. and Mrs. Green got home, Kevin went to talk to them.
Paragraph 2: Kevin and Mr. Green took the watch they had found to the police station.
Step1: Skimming (5W1H)
Elements of
the story
who
where
what
when
why
how
Kevin and his parents, Mrs. hill, Mr. and Mrs. Green,
the man
in Mr. and Mrs, Green’s house
Kevin found the man jumped through an open window into Mr. and Mrs Green’s house.
Mrs. Hill was asleep. Kevin hoped something exciting would happen.
Kevin thought that the man might get away with whatever he wanted before the police arrived.
Is the man a thief
Step 2: Summarizing the main idea
Kevin’s parents were wrapped up in their own business, therefore, he was left
1 (take) after by his neighbour, Mrs. Hill. Kevin was always feeling
2 (bore), hoping something exciting would happen.
Mrs. Hill’s front window faced Mr. and Mrs. Green’s house across the street. The couple 3 (go) to work. Suddenly, Kevin found a man jumping through an open window into the house. 4 his heart in his mouth, Kevin grabbed Mrs. Hill’s phone and called the police. Thinking that the man might escape 5 the police arrived, Kevin decided to do something. 6 (grab) a branch, he jumped in through the window, ordering the man to stop and leave right now. However, the man said his parents 7 (use) to live here and his father’s watch was here.
At that moment, the sounds of a police car echoed in the air. The man ran through the window in 8 panic. Kevin told the police 9 (officer) what had happened. They pursued and arrested the man. Somehow Kevin wasn’t sure he had done the right thing because the 10 (man) words sounded pretty convincing.
to be taken
bored
had gone
With
before
Grabbing
used
a
officers
man’s
2
搭建支架(析)
分析：梳理關鍵信息，
搭建支架
Step 3: 構建人物關系圖
parents-son
neighbour
Parents were busy with their own things.
Kevin was looked after by Mrs. Hill
Kevin
Mrs. Hill
Mr. and
Mrs. Green
neighbour
Mrs. Hill’s front window faced Mr. and Mrs. Green’s house across the street.
a man
stranger
police-public
Kevin’s parents
neighbour
In Kevin’s opinion, the man was a thief, so he called the police.
policeman
The man jumped into Mr. and Mrs. Green’s house through the open window.
原文線索：It was my home. My parents used to live here and my father’s watch was here,” he explained…
由此可知：
此人為原房主的兒子
主要人物：Kevin
Step 4: 根據契訶夫發則，挖掘矛盾
Kevin was pretty bored. … Kevin sighed (嘆息) and hoped something exciting would happen. Suddenly, a movement outside caught his eye.
故事的伏筆：希望激動人心的事發生。
Mrs. Hill’s front window … so it was strange that someone was over there. Kevin stared at the man at their front door. Suddenly, the man jumped through an open window into the house. … Kevin grabbed Mrs. Hill’s home phone and called the police.
故事的起因：看到一個陌生人從窗戶跳
入格林家并報警。
… Kevin decided to do something. … Grabbing a branch from a cut-down tree, he jumped in through the window. …
故事的發展：在警察沒來之前，Kevin采取了措施。
…Somehow he wasn’t sure he had done the right thing. “What if he has told the truth ” The man’s words sounded pretty convincing.
It was my home. My parents used to live here and my father’s watch was here,” he explained, trying to lift a floorboard.
… the sounds of a police car echoed. The man … ran through … the arriving police officers pursued and arrested the man.
故事的高潮：警車響起，“小偷”逃跑，
警察追趕逮住小偷。
警察逮住小偷，故事看似圓滿。但如果忽略細節就會失去與原文的協同。讓我們繼續出發尋求線索。
這個人所說的話如果是真的，那么這個人就是原房主的兒子，他回來拿父親遺落的手表也無可厚非，只是他這種的“破窗而入”的方式讓Kevin 認為他是“小偷”。
注意：
1．續寫詞數應為150左右；
2．請按如下格式在答題卡的相應位置作答。
Paragraph 1: When Mr. and Mrs. Green got home, Kevin went to talk to them.
Paragraph 2: Kevin and Mr. Green took the watch they had found to the police station.
為故事轉折設下伏筆：
Kevin開始動搖之前的想法，認為那個人也許不是個小偷。
推斷故事的結局：
1.那個人是小偷嗎？
2.那塊手表是誰的？
思考：Is that man a thief？
原文線索 1
…but when he saw the skinny boy he breathed a sigh of relief. “Hey, kid, put that down.
如果這個男人是小偷，看到瘦骨嶙峋的Kevin一定會傷害，但他沒有，說明他不是小偷。
原文線索 2
Somehow he wasn’t sure he had done the right thing. “What if he has told the truth ” The man’s words sounded pretty convincing.
Kevin and Mr. Green took the watch they had found to the police station.
此段的作用就是讓故事來個歐亨利式的反轉?？芍^：山重水復疑無路，柳暗花明又一村。
Mr. Green帶上這塊從地板下面找到的手表去警察局（根據協同可知），他要將它還給原房主的兒子。
原文線索 3
這也是唯一驗證這個男人是不是小偷的證據了。
這篇續寫可謂 “險象環生”、“環環有套”，稍不注意就會落入命題人設置的圈套，讓你誤以為那個人是小偷。但只要我們睜大眼睛，遵循協同原則，認真分析，就會找到一條解決問題的方法，正所謂：
山重水復“續”有路，讀析“寫”評又一村
思考：What is the function of this sentence
Suddenly, the man jumped through an open window into the house.
這句話是故事發展的催化劑。正是這個男人“破窗而入”的方式，讓Kevin認為這個男人是小偷，才會打電話報警，才有了后面故事的發展。
可是，這個男人為什么要 “破窗而入”去Mr Green家拿手表呢？
文章沒有交代原因，也許是這個男人急于給父母一個驚喜，等不及the Greens夫婦回來，剛好窗戶開著，就迫不及待破窗而入了。
Kevin sighed and hoped something exciting would happen.
Step 5 : 利用原文線索，搭建“性格”支架
With his heart in his mouth, Kevin grabbed Mrs. Hill’s home phone and called the police.
Kevin decided to do something. He rushed out of Mrs. Hill’s house and crossed the street quickly. Grabbing a branch from a cut-down tree, he jumped in through the window.
Somehow he wasn’t sure he had done the right thing. “What if he has told the truth ” he thought to himself. The man’s words sounded pretty convincing.
challenging
sharp
brave
considerate
Step 6: 利用逆推法，搭建故事支架
Paragraph 1: When Mr. and Mrs. Green got home, Kevin went to talk to them.
Paragraph 2: Kevin and Mr. Green took the watch they had found to the police station.
Mr Green found the watch from a floorboard.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Green say and do after hearing the story
Kevin told them what had happened.
Why did Mr Green take the watch to the police station
What did Mr Green say to the police
Was the man set free
啟下
主旨升華：Kevin的善良、勇敢和心思縝密。
此句既協同Kevin所說的又呼應下文。
呈上
The Greens found the watch from the floorboard.
Step 7 : 利用故事走向，推測Kevin的心理活動
Kevin and Mr. Green took the watch they had found to the police station.
After the truth was clarified, the man was released.
Although there was a misunderstanding, he received praise and thanks from the police, the man, and the Green couple.
驚訝與自責
著急與擔心
欣慰與釋懷
自豪與開心
3
建構語言(寫)
寫作：學生基于討論后的續寫思路，列出續寫的細節要點。
Step 8: 根據原文語言特色，建構語言
模仿語言
創造語言
模仿語言
創造語言
第二節（滿分25分）
閱讀下面材料，根據其內容和所給段落開頭語續寫兩段，使之構成一篇完整的短文。
Kevin was pretty bored. His mother was at work, and his father had been away on business. Therefore, he was left in the care of Mrs. Hill, an old lady who lived next door. His parents had raised the 12-year-old to be a good boy. He never got into trouble, though sometimes he wanted to do risky things. Mrs. Hill was asleep. Kevin sighed (嘆息) and hoped something exciting would happen. Suddenly, a movement outside caught his eye.
Mrs. Hill’s front window faced Mr. and Mrs. Green’s house across the street. The couple had both gone to work, so it was strange that someone was over there. Kevin stared at the man at their front door. Suddenly, the man jumped through an open window into the house. With his heart in his mouth, Kevin grabbed Mrs. Hill’s home phone and called the police.
Thinking that the man might get away with whatever he wanted before the police arrived, Kevin decided to do something. He rushed out of Mrs. Hill’s house and crossed the street quickly. Grabbing a branch from a cut-down tree, he jumped in through the window. “Stop right there! You must leave right now!” he called out, holding the branch with both hands.
Step 7: 根據原文語言特色，建構語言
同位語+定語
無靈表達
it作形式主語
with的復合結構
非謂語
The man froze for a second, but when he saw the skinny boy he breathed a sigh of relief. “Hey, kid, put that down. It was my home. My parents used to live here and my father’s watch was here,” he explained, trying to lift a floorboard.
At that moment, the sounds of a police car echoed (回響) in the air. The man stood up in a panic, then ran through the house toward the window and jumped out. Kevin followed out and told the arriving police officers what had happened. They pursued and arrested the man.
Kevin went back to Mrs. Hill’s house. Somehow he wasn’t sure he had done the right thing. “What if he has told the truth ” he thought to himself. The man’s words sounded pretty convincing.
注意：
1．續寫詞數應為150左右；
2．請按如下格式在答題卡的相應位置作答。
Paragraph 1: When Mr. and Mrs. Green got home, Kevin went to talk to them.
Paragraph 2: Kevin and Mr. Green took the watch they had found to the police station.
非謂語
賓語從句
定語從句
Step 7: 根據原文語言特色，建構語言
Paragraph 1: When Mr. and Mrs. Green got home, Kevin went to talk to them.
(與給出句的銜接)他把事情的經過繪聲繪色地向Mr. and Mrs. Green描述了一番。
He described the whole process to Mr. and Mrs. Green in a vivid and lifelike manner.
語言特色：繪聲繪色地
Step 7: 根據原文語言特色，建構語言
Paragraph 1: When Mr. and Mrs. Green got home, Kevin went to talk to them.
在聽了Kevin的描述之后，格林夫婦很是驚訝并向Kevin表示感謝。
With Kevin’s description over, the Greens’ jaws dropped and thanked him a thousand and one times.
語言特色：with的復合結構+習語表達+夸張
Step 7: 根據原文語言特色，建構語言
Paragraph 1: When Mr. and Mrs. Green got home, Kevin went to talk to them.
kevin自豪地說不用謝，但同時也表達了自己的懷疑-他不確定這個男人說的是否屬實。
Kevin said no thanks with pride, but at the same time he expressed his doubts as well - he wasn’t sure whether the man was telling the truth.
語言特色：原文語言產出
Step 7: 根據原文語言特色，建構語言
Paragraph 1: When Mr. and Mrs. Green got home, Kevin went to talk to them.
當Mr Green夫婦把Kevin所說的細節拼在一起的時候，他們環顧四周，確定家里未丟任何東西。
When the Greens pieced together the details Kevin had mentioned, they looked around, confirming that nothing had been stolen from the house.
語言特色：定語從句 + 非謂語
Step 7: 根據原文語言特色，建構語言
Paragraph 1: When Mr. and Mrs. Green got home, Kevin went to talk to them.
于是，他們決定按照Kevin所說的去驗證一下地板下面是否真的有手表（與原文協同）。
So, they decided to check if there was really a watch as Kevin had said.
語言特色：賓語從句
Step 7: 根據原文語言特色，建構語言
Paragraph 1: When Mr. and Mrs. Green got home, Kevin went to talk to them.
令在場所有人驚訝的是，他們在地板下面真的找到了一塊手表。
Surprise came over everyone who was on the spot. They really found a watch just lying under the floor.
語言特色：無靈表達 + 定語從句 + 現分作定
Step 7: 根據原文語言特色，建構語言
Paragraph 1: When Mr. and Mrs. Green got home, Kevin went to talk to them.
經過格林夫婦反復確認，這塊手表真的不是他們的，這足以說明那個男人不是小偷。
Repeatedly confirmed by Mr. and Mrs. Green, the watch was really not theirs, which was enough to show that the man was not a thief.
語言特色：過分做狀 + 定語從句 + 賓語從句
Step 7: 根據原文語言特色，建構語言
Paragraph 1: When Mr. and Mrs. Green got home, Kevin went to talk to them.
Kevin意識到自己冤枉了人，這讓他感到自責。他急切地請求格林夫婦帶上這塊手表去警察局說明真相。（帶上手表與下文給出句協同）
Self-accusation visited Kevin, who realized he had done wrong to the man. He eagerly asked the Greens to go to the police station with the watch to tell the truth.
語言特色：無靈表達 + 定語從句 + 原文語言
+ 呼應下文給出句（協同）
Step 7: 根據原文語言特色，建構語言
Paragraph 2: Kevin and Mr. Green took the watch they had found to the police station.
他們向警察說明了情況，并把手表交給了警察。警察聯系了前房東并仔細核對了手表的細節特征。
They explained everything to the police and handed over the watch. The police contacted the former landlord, checking carefully the details concerning the watch.
語言特色：非謂語
Step 7: 根據原文語言特色，建構語言
Paragraph 2: Kevin and Mr. Green took the watch they had found to the police station.
所有的細節都和那個男人交代的一模一樣。難怪他一直向警察說自己是無辜的。
All the details were exactly the same as what the man had stated. No wonder he had been telling the police that he was innocent.
語言特色：賓語從句
Step 7: 根據原文語言特色，建構語言
Paragraph 2: Kevin and Mr. Green took the watch they had found to the police station.
警察把手表還給了男人，釋放了他，但也警告他拿回自己的東西一定要通過正當的方式切不可“破窗而入” 。
The police returned the watch to the man, released him, and warned him that he must get back his own property through proper means and that he shouldn’t “break into the house through the window”.
語言特色：動作鏈 + 賓語從句
Step 7: 根據原文語言特色，建構語言
Paragraph 2: Kevin and Mr. Green took the watch they had found to the police station.
看到男人被釋放，kevin終于松了一口氣。感到欣慰的同時他也不好意思地走上前去向這個男人道歉。
Seeing the man released, Kevin finally breathed a sigh of relief. At the same time, he also walked up to the man awkwardly to apologize to him.
語言特色：非謂語
Step 7: 根據原文語言特色，建構語言
Paragraph 2: Kevin and Mr. Green took the watch they had found to the police station.
令人感到意外的是，這個男人不僅沒有責怪Kevin，反而夸他勇敢、善良。格林先生也拍著Kevin的肩膀，在他面前豎起了大拇指。
Surprisingly, the man didn’t blame Kevin, but praised him for his bravery and kindness. Mr. Green also patted Kevin on the shoulder, giving him a thumb up before him.
語言特色：非謂語
Step 7: 根據原文語言特色，建構語言
Paragraph 2: Kevin and Mr. Green took the watch they had found to the police station.
聽到他們的表揚，kevin異常的開心，他覺得正是自己的勇敢和考慮周到讓他做了正確的事情。
Hearing their praise, Kevin was over the moon, feeling that it was his bravery and consideration that led him to do the right thing.
語言特色：非謂語 + 強調句
4
作品點評(評)
點評： 教師在點評時要引導學生體驗作品中涌現出來的亮點， 讓生在自己作為讀者的真實體驗中培養寫作的讀者意識。
原創作品
When Mr. and Mrs. Green got home, Kevin went to talk to them. He described the whole process to Mr. and Mrs. Green in a vivid and lifelike manner. With Kevin’s description over, the Greens stood jaw-dropped, thanking him a thousand and one times. Kevin said no thanks with pride, but at the same time he expressed his doubts as well - he wasn’t sure whether the man had told the truth. When the Greens pieced together the details Kevin had mentioned, they looked around, confirming that nothing had been stolen from the house. So, they decided to check if there was really a watch as Kevin had said. Surprise came over everyone who was on the spot. They really found a watch just lying under the floor. Repeatedly confirmed by Mr. and Mrs. Green, the watch was really not theirs, which was enough to show that the man was not a thief. Surprise and self-accusation visited Kevin, who realized he had done wrong to the man. He eagerly asked the Greens to go to the police station with the watch to tell the truth.
原創作品
Kevin and Mr. Green took the watch they had found to the police station. They explained everything to the police and handed over the watch. The police contacted the former landlord, checking carefully the details concerning the watch. All the details were exactly the same as what the man had stated. No wonder he had been telling the police all the time that he was innocent.The police returned the watch to the man, released him, and warned him that he must get back his own property through proper means and that he shouldn’t “break into the house through the window”. Seeing the man released, Kevin finally breathed a sigh of relief. At the same time, he also walked up to the man awkwardly to apologize to him. Surprisingly, the man didn’t blame Kevin, but praised him for his bravry and kindness. Mr. Green also patted Kevin on the shoulder, giving him a thumb up before him. Hearing their praise, Kevin was over the moon, feeling that it was his bravery and consideration that led him to do the right thing.
原創作品
給出句與續寫句銜接自然
呼應原文：he explained, trying to lift a floorboard.
為男人不是小偷做了鋪墊。
與下文的銜接有些不妥, 建議改成：they determined to clarify the fact to the policeman with the watch.
原創作品
her 改為his
in a cracking voice explaining
呼應原文；這個男人不是小偷。
結尾處倘若能加一兩句升華，
內容會更豐滿。
When Mr. and Mrs. Green got home, Kevin went to talk to them. With a trembling voice, Kevin began to describe everything that had just happened. Hearing the man’s claim about the watch， Mr. Green’s brows knitted tightly in deep thought, murmuring, “We did buy this house from an old couple. Perhaps the man had been telling the truth all along.” Down sank Kevin’s heart, as if it had been plunged into an icy river. “Let’s open the mystery under the floorboard .” Mr. Green suggested. Then they lifted the loose floorboard. There, tucked away in a dusty corner like a forgotten secret, was an old box. Inside it was a silver watch, its hands frozen in time. Kevin, staring at it, felt his guilt welling up like a surging wave. Gently patting his shoulder, Mrs. Green said, “Thank you for protecting our home, Kevin. How brave you are!” But her words did little to assuage his guilt. Determined, they prepared to return the watch.
學生作品（李秉騁）
改為proud更符合當時的心情
與給出句銜接自然
呼應男人說的話，暗示男人不是小偷
Kevin的心情由“驕傲”到“下沉”，暗示著他可能冤枉那個男人。
呼應下文的給出句
Kevin and Mr. Green took the watch they had found to the police station. Only after they had made their fingers to the bones to explain the situation to the officers did the truth come to light. It turned out that the man was none other than the son of the previous owners. Desperate as he was to retrieve his father’s watch, he had to take such a rash act. Out came the police, warning him before setting him free. Before leaving, the man gave Kevin a thumbs up and praised him for his bravery. A strange mixture of relief and embarrassment washed over Kevin like a wave. It was Mr. Green who smiled at him, saying “It is your good intentions that matter, kid.” Nodding his head, Kevin realized that even mistakes could serve as a stepping stone to learning, and that bravery can take countless forms. On the surface, Kevin had misunderstood the man, but in fact, his actions made the light of justice shine.
續寫句與給出句銜接自然
呼應男人說的話(這房子之前屬于他父母的)
寫出了男人“破窗而入”的原因
警察對于男人的“破窗而入”給予警告
主旨升華：對Kevin正義的肯定。

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