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(共27張PPT)
2025.5 青島三模寫(xiě)作 講評(píng)
When planning trips, I gathered guidebooks, eager to explore every cultural site.
At first, this felt unfamiliar and even disappointing. I grew restless with boredom, struggling to fill my days with the kind of meaningful activities I was used to.
I returned home with a fresh insight that true travel is not just about discovering the world outside, but also about uncovering a deeper peace within.
計(jì)劃旅行時(shí)，我會(huì)收集旅行指南，渴望探索每一處文化景點(diǎn)。
起初，這讓人感覺(jué)陌生，甚至令人失望。我因無(wú)聊而煩躁不安，努力想用自己習(xí)慣的那種有意義的活動(dòng)來(lái)充實(shí)日子。
我回到家時(shí)，有了一個(gè)全新的感悟：真正的旅行不只是探索外部世界，更是探尋內(nèi)心深處的寧?kù)o。
自主復(fù)習(xí)與檢測(cè) 5min
B篇 -- 佳句背誦
【練習(xí)--佳句仿寫(xiě)】：1. 我因?yàn)閾?dān)心焦慮而煩躁不安，在大廳里踱來(lái)踱去。
I grew restless with worry and concern, keeping pacing up and down in the hall.
勵(lì)志奮斗：
1.The world seemed to say “no,” but I refused to accept defeat. With determination burning in my heart, I took matters into my own hands. 世界似乎在說(shuō) “不行”，但我拒絕接受失敗。心中燃燒著決心，我自己動(dòng)手解決問(wèn)題. (體現(xiàn)面對(duì)挫折的堅(jiān)定態(tài)度 ）
2. Finally, my years of industrious work bore fruit. (=Paid off)
最終，我多年的辛勤工作終于有了成果。
情感表達(dá)：
3. I was filled with hope, yet my family’s financial struggles cast a dark shadow over my dream.
我滿懷希望，然而家庭的經(jīng)濟(jì)困境卻給我的夢(mèng)想蒙上了一層陰影。
主題意義：
4. But I learned a valuable lesson: my worth wasn't defined by my clothes or my lack of opportunities. It was defined by my ability to rise in the face of adversity.
但我學(xué)到了寶貴的一課：我的價(jià)值不是由我的衣著或我缺乏機(jī)會(huì)所決定的。它是由我在逆境中奮起的能力所決定的。
5. I realized that I was shaped by struggles. I was strong and determined to make a difference.
我意識(shí)到，自己是在困境中磨礪成長(zhǎng)的。我內(nèi)心強(qiáng)大且意志堅(jiān)定，決心要有所作為。
完形填空 -- 佳句背誦
【練習(xí)--佳句仿寫(xiě)】 5min
1. 我因?yàn)閾?dān)心焦慮而煩躁不安，在大廳里踱來(lái)踱去。
2. 心中燃燒著決心，我立刻采取行動(dòng)。
3. David一邊回憶著那些可以拯救生命的流程，一邊嚴(yán)格進(jìn)行CPR施救，正如我們?cè)诘叵率揖毩?xí)的那樣。
3. 幸運(yùn)的是，我的辛勤練習(xí)有了成果/回報(bào)。
4. 我學(xué)到了寶貴的一課：我們的CPR練習(xí)不僅是為了考試，更能拯救生命。
I grew restless with worry, keeping pacing up and down in the hall.
With determination burning in my heart, I sprang into action immediately.
Fortunately, my nights of industrious practice bore fruit. (=Paid off)
I learned a valuable lesson: our CPR practice is not just for exams, but more importantly, it can save lives.
While recalling the lifesaving procedures, David strictly preformed CPR, just as we had practiced for nights in the basement.
Teaching objectives
1. 學(xué)習(xí)從命題人角度，思考文章的立意、分析語(yǔ)篇和主題意義。
2. 運(yùn)用主要的續(xù)寫(xiě)技巧ARE、十句五定等原則，進(jìn)行續(xù)寫(xiě)情節(jié)構(gòu)思。
3. 能夠運(yùn)用恰當(dāng)?shù)姆椒ǎu(píng)析并修改自己的作文。
原文梳理 -- 出租車上，CPR救好友
【續(xù)寫(xiě)原文梳理】 -- 出租車上，CPR救好友
①　The entire campus was overcome by exam fever all week, with classrooms full of students practicing CPR (心肺復(fù)蘇術(shù)) techniques late. Determined to do well, David and John had transformed John’s basement into a makeshift clinic. For six days straight, they practiced until midnight. They strictly performed two rescue breaths after completing 30 chest compression (按壓). The night light witnessed their efforts.
④　Inside the taxi, David opened the biology textbook with CPR diagrams, eyes on notes while the taxi was speeding along the road.
Outside, dancing flowers smiled in the soft wind, unaware of the following tension inside the vehicle.
⑤　David immediately touched John’s forehead and checked if he was well, only to find his breath was weak.
⑥　The driver hit the gas. David threw himself on his knees, checking John’s pulse (脈搏) and breath – both were absent. He realized they might not make it to hospital in time.
【獨(dú)立主格】
【with 復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu)】
動(dòng)作練
adj做狀語(yǔ)
無(wú)靈主語(yǔ)
S+V+O, doing
adj做狀語(yǔ)
a makeshift clinic “臨時(shí)診所”
原文語(yǔ)言協(xié)同性：
1. Fortunately, my nights of industrious practice bore fruit. (=Paid off)
2. David kept performing CPR all the way to the hospital.
1. 幸運(yùn)的是，我多日的勤奮練習(xí)終于有了結(jié)果。（=沒(méi)有白費(fèi)/取得了成功）
2. 大衛(wèi)在前往醫(yī)院的一路上都持續(xù)進(jìn)行心肺復(fù)蘇術(shù)。
to do做狀語(yǔ)
原文語(yǔ)言協(xié)同：
主題語(yǔ)境 人與自我 —— 個(gè)人生活、學(xué)習(xí)與成長(zhǎng)；人與社會(huì) —— 社會(huì)交往、健康安全
語(yǔ)篇話題 本篇讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)為記敘文，圍繞中學(xué)生 David 和 John 為生物期末考試（涉及急救實(shí)操）做準(zhǔn)備，考試途中 John 突發(fā)急病，David 設(shè)法救助展開(kāi)。
主題意義 友誼的力量：David 和 John 從中學(xué)起就是形影不離的朋友，一起做各種事，為考試共同努力，在 John 突發(fā)狀況時(shí)，David 毫不猶豫地救助，體現(xiàn)了深厚友誼在關(guān)鍵時(shí)刻的支撐 。
知識(shí)與實(shí)踐的結(jié)合：生物期末考試要求學(xué)生展示急救程序，促使他們將課本知識(shí)運(yùn)用到實(shí)踐中練習(xí)心肺復(fù)蘇，強(qiáng)調(diào)知識(shí)不能僅停留在理論層面，要能用于實(shí)際解決問(wèn)題；警示人們要重視急救知識(shí)學(xué)習(xí)，關(guān)鍵時(shí)刻能挽救生命。
成長(zhǎng)與責(zé)任：面對(duì)朋友的危險(xiǎn)狀況，David 從短暫驚慌到冷靜施救，展現(xiàn)了在困境中的成長(zhǎng)以及對(duì)朋友生命負(fù)責(zé)的態(tài)度 。
情節(jié)梳理 友誼與備考：David 和 John 自中學(xué)起是摯友，共同參與各類活動(dòng)。今年生物期末考試需展示急救程序，校園陷入備考熱潮，他們將 John 家地下室改造成臨時(shí)診所，連續(xù)六天練習(xí)至午夜。
赴考途中：考試當(dāng)天早上，二人乘出租車去學(xué)校。David 復(fù)習(xí)急救知識(shí)，John 欣賞窗外風(fēng)景。途中 David 發(fā)現(xiàn) John 臉色蒼白，隨后 John 暈倒，脈搏和呼吸消失。
緊急求助：David 發(fā)現(xiàn)情況危急，讓司機(jī)火速趕往最近醫(yī)院，意識(shí)到可能無(wú)法及時(shí)到達(dá)。
后文續(xù)寫(xiě)： 情節(jié)走向 通過(guò)第一段首句 “For a second, panic seized David, but his training took over.”“David 起初因朋友突發(fā)狀況驚慌失措，但專業(yè)急救訓(xùn)練讓他迅速冷靜”，由此可預(yù)測(cè)，續(xù)寫(xiě)思路：圍繞急救過(guò)程、救援進(jìn)展和情感變化展開(kāi)：主要事件：進(jìn)行CPR施救主要情感：緊張、擔(dān)心、焦慮 -- 平靜 -- 如釋重負(fù)施救前（努力平靜、深呼吸）→施救過(guò)程中（回憶，嚴(yán)格實(shí)施CPR，心懷希望和決心）→施救的結(jié)果（John有了微弱的呼吸）→情感變化和行為（relief, 不放棄，持續(xù)操作，直至抵達(dá)醫(yī)院） 。此外，可簡(jiǎn)單描述司機(jī)的極力配合。
Thankfully, John was rushed to the hospital before it was too late. ”可預(yù)測(cè)，續(xù)寫(xiě)思路：圍繞醫(yī)院救治結(jié)果、人物情感變化和主題升華展開(kāi)：主要人物：David, John, 主要事件：醫(yī)院救治結(jié)果主要情感：David緊張、擔(dān)心 -- 開(kāi)心、驕傲、成就感； John 感激主題升華感悟：CPR的重要性和實(shí)際價(jià)值、友情更深厚到達(dá)醫(yī)院后，立刻救治→David焦急等待，內(nèi)心不安祈禱→最終得知John脫離危險(xiǎn)，開(kāi)心激動(dòng)→John蘇醒，微笑，感激 (落淚/擁抱)→主題：CPR和友誼
P1: David and his classmates quickly got to work.情節(jié)1：施救前的準(zhǔn)備（心理+行為）
情節(jié)2：施救過(guò)程（動(dòng)作行為+情感）情節(jié)3：施救結(jié)果（行為+心理）P2：The day after the exhibition, Ms. Sandra entered the classroom with a smile.情節(jié)1：到達(dá)醫(yī)院后，救治情節(jié)2：David焦急等待
情節(jié)3：John脫離危險(xiǎn)（行為+情感）
主題意義：CPR的重要性、實(shí)際價(jià)值+深厚友情
續(xù)寫(xiě)情節(jié)構(gòu)思設(shè)計(jì)
啟示：次要分明，人稱要一致。
情節(jié)的構(gòu)建要抓主要的、關(guān)鍵的主線，多維度構(gòu)建。
平靜下來(lái)
緊張、不安、擔(dān)心、焦慮
松了一口氣; 如釋重負(fù)
決心、希望
開(kāi)心、激動(dòng)
情緒詞匯復(fù)習(xí)
calmness -- calm
tension unease worry anxiety concern -- nervous restless
relief -- relieved;
determination hope
delight joy excitement
寫(xiě)作相關(guān)知識(shí)鞏固復(fù)習(xí)
with + n = adv.
to one’s +n
無(wú)靈主語(yǔ)
獨(dú)立主格結(jié)構(gòu)
with + O +C 復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu)
so ... that...
情緒句型表達(dá)復(fù)習(xí)
with determination
to one’s relief
A wave of +n+ flood over sb.
Tension melt away/gave way to relief, tears of joy rolling down my cheeks.
with determination burning in one’s heart;
with a sense of calmness settling in
So delighted was I that I couldn’t contain ...
【練習(xí)】 With hope burning in my heart, I know every effort will light up the path ahead.
心中燃燒著希望，我知道每一份努力都會(huì)照亮前方的路。
練習(xí) -- 仿寫(xiě)
1. 我因?yàn)閾?dān)心焦慮而煩躁不安，在大廳里踱來(lái)踱去。
I grew restless with worry and concern, keeping pacing up and down in the hall.
2. 心中燃燒著決心，我立刻采取行動(dòng)。
With determination burning in my heart, I sprang into action immediately.
3. 如釋重負(fù)地吸一口氣
let out a long and relieved breath;to his relief; breathe a sigh of relief
4. 深吸一口氣，David努力讓自己平靜下來(lái)。
Taking a deep breath, David managed to calm himself down.
5. 緊張但很堅(jiān)定的 nervous but determined
6. 手冒汗，心臟怦怦跳 with hands sweating and heart pounding wildly
7. 汗水從掌心滑落，心臟瘋狂跳動(dòng)，我努力集中注意力。
With sweat trickling down my palms and my heart thumping wildly, I tried to focus.
8. 如釋重負(fù)感襲來(lái)，我深吸一口氣，胸口的重壓稍有減輕。
Relief washed over me as I breathed in deeply, the weight on my chest lifting slightly.
翻譯練習(xí)
溫柔抓住了他的手
努力擠出一絲微笑
心微弱地再次跳動(dòng)
立刻行動(dòng)起來(lái)
回憶
嚴(yán)格執(zhí)行
練習(xí)
按壓
繼續(xù)、持續(xù)做
恢復(fù)了微弱的呼吸
蘇醒
接管
動(dòng)作表達(dá)復(fù)習(xí)
gently took his hand
manage a weak smile
heart pounds/flickered faintly again
spring into action immediately
recall / reminisce
strictly perform
practice
press the chest
continue to do/ keep doing
regain/develop a faint/weak breath
regain consciousness / come to one’s life
take over
動(dòng)作的句型表達(dá)復(fù)習(xí)
1. A, B and C
2. sd did sth, doing
3. S+ V+O as sb did sth
1．Divide the main plot into 3 parts: before, during, after. 事件順序
2．Connect to the given sentences. 與給定的句子要銜接
3．Delete the unrelated plot. 無(wú)關(guān)情節(jié)要?jiǎng)h除
4．Generalize the repetitive plot. 原文已有描述（重復(fù)內(nèi)容）要概述
5．Describe the important plot in detail to create a picture in readers’ mind.
主要情節(jié)要詳細(xì)描寫(xiě)，構(gòu)建畫(huà)面感
常見(jiàn)的錯(cuò)誤：
1. 人物關(guān)系：混亂，人稱錯(cuò)誤
2. 續(xù)寫(xiě)情節(jié)設(shè)計(jì)：不緊湊，主次不分明，無(wú)關(guān)情節(jié)冗長(zhǎng)多余
3. 時(shí)態(tài)：描述事件過(guò)去式為主，直接引語(yǔ)現(xiàn)在時(shí)
修改的原則：
學(xué)生習(xí)作1評(píng)析
P1：For a second, panic seized David, but his training took over.
David put John lay in the car and began to perform CPR techniques. He performed two rescue breaths after completing 30 chest compression. But John didn't have any action. A sense of worry well flooded over John, he without hesitation to take the next CPR again. Tears rolling down his checks, John tried his best to save John. The drived hit the gas, went past traffic lights but didn't slowly. Everyone tried their best to save David's life. Nothing is impossible for a willing heart. But David's face turned to worse pale.
修改
續(xù)寫(xiě)部分：The sequence —— 發(fā)現(xiàn)問(wèn)題，解決問(wèn)題
before 部分Detail 1: For things readers already know, we need to generalize them. Could you generalize it (performed CPR procedure)Detail 2: What about the last two details Highly related For things not related, we delete them.Detail 3: The other details Necessary Add some necessary details. (express his feelings)Detail 4: Can we keep it For a simple quote, we add emotions, actions, facial expressions and so on to add to its expressiveness. (in a... tone/voice)
修改后的片段:Taking a deep breath, David managed to calm himself down. (David carefully laid John on the car seat and immediately began to perform CPR.)
修改
續(xù)寫(xiě)部分：The sequence —— 發(fā)現(xiàn)問(wèn)題，解決問(wèn)題
during 部分
So, what do you think of the six details Anything needs to be deleted or generalized Why
修改后的片段:
While recalling the lifesaving procedures, David carefully laid John on the car seat and immediately began to perform CPR just as they had practiced in John’s basement for days. But John showed no signs of response. A sense of worry washed over David. Without hesitation, he started another round of CPR. With sweat rolling/trickling down his cheeks, David spared no effort to save John.
修改
續(xù)寫(xiě)部分：The sequence —— 發(fā)現(xiàn)問(wèn)題，解決問(wèn)題
after 部分
The last one is the result. Can we keep this detail Is it reasonable in the context Why (natural response, and as we have concluded, a proper connection.)
To create a picture, we can also describe John’s expressions and response. (face, breath, pulse...)
How can we make it more vivid (描寫(xiě)公式: quote + emotion/action/ expression.)
提示寫(xiě)作邏輯: to show not to tell.
√ How can you show emotions instead of just telling readers
√ What might people the driver do when they are in such an emotion
續(xù)寫(xiě)部分：The sequence —— 發(fā)現(xiàn)問(wèn)題，解決問(wèn)題
修改后第一段:
For a second, panic seized David, but his training took over. Taking a deep breath, David managed to calm himself down. While recalling the lifesaving procedures, David carefully laid John on the car seat and immediately began to perform CPR just as they had practiced in John’s basement for days. But John showed no signs of response. A sense of worry washed over David. Without hesitation, he started another round of CPR. With sweat rolling/trickling down his cheeks, David spared no effort to save John. After a few rounds, John’s pale face showed a hint of color/improved slightly, and he gradually regained faint breaths and a pulse. Letting out a relieved breath, David kept doing CPY all the way to the hospital. (99words)
【group work】-- 評(píng)析修改（二）He calmed down immediately, thinking the way of CPR. Without hesitation, he decided to save John from death in the way. David was so fear that his cheeks filling with sweat. David compressed John's chest again and again, trying his best to make John awake, but failed. John closed his eyes tightly. The driver called 110 and 120, asking for help to save John. Hopefully, the road was dismissed quickly. The driver tried his best to arrive hospital with the fastest speed.修改建議：
當(dāng)堂練習(xí)
He calmed down instantly, recalling the steps of CPR. Without hesitation, he resolved to use it to pull John back from the brink of death. Though fear surged through him, causing sweat to trickle down his cheeks, David began chest compressions, pressing down again and again in a desperate bid to revive his friend. But there was no response. John's eyes remained tightly shut. Fortunately, the road was cleared quickly, and the driver floored the gas, racing toward the hospital at top speed. With each passing second, David prayed that his efforts—and the speeding journey—would be enough to save John.
【group work】-- 評(píng)析修改
（三）He thought it was time to use the CPR techniques which he had practiced many times. He made a medical cases to John. He did 30 chest compression as he learned. Then, he strictly performed two rescue breaths. But it seemed that it didn't do trick. David felt anxious. His face turned pale, feeling like sitting on pins and needles. He checked his biology textbook and found he made some mistakes. He made it again. This time, he succeed. John's pulse and breath began normal. David urge the driver. sped up. He hope John will be safe.
修改建議：
He knew it was time to apply the CPR techniques he had practiced many times. He prepared to administer first aid to John. He performed 30 chest compressions as he had learned in training. Then, he strictly delivered two rescue breaths. But it seemed the efforts didn’t work. David grew anxious, his face turning pale as he felt restless and nervous. He quickly recalled the first-aid steps (注：“檢查生物課本” 不符合急救場(chǎng)景邏輯，改為 “回憶步驟”) and realized he had made a mistake. He adjusted his technique and tried again. This time, he succeeded. John’s pulse and breathing gradually returned to normal. David urged the driver to speed up, hoping John would be safe.
【group work】-- 評(píng)析修改
（四）Practically, David used CPR techniques. A sense of calmness replacing anxiety, David used CPR as his practiced many times. In the little room of taxi, David tired his best to save his best friend. When the sunlight shooting on John's weekly face, David realized that only his effort could help them. Focusing on himself, David felt John's pulse better than before. "The hospital arrive! arrive!" Driver shouted.
修改建議：
Practically, David applied the CPR techniques. A sense of calmness replaced anxiety as David performed CPR exactly as he had practiced many times. In the cramped taxi cabin, David tried his best to save his best friend. When sunlight shot on John's pale face, David realized that only his effort could help them. Focusing on John, David felt John's pulse grow stronger than before. "The hospital is here! We're here!" the driver shouted.
【group work】-- 評(píng)析修改
（五）Anxious but determined, David decided to help John by CPR. He put John lie on the pressed John's chest and observed John's face. Luckily, John's pulse and breath came back. With eyes filled with nervousness, a sense of delight flooded over David. Then David continued to use CPR to John.
修改建議：
Anxious but determined, David decided to save John by performing CPR. He laid John flat on the seat. He compressed John's chest and observed his face closely. Thankfully, John's pulse and breath returned. Though his eyes still held traces of nervousness, a wave of delight flooded over David. Then David continued administering CPR to John.
【參考范文1】 For a second, panic seized David, but his training took over. He knelt beside John, pressing his hands against his friend’s chest. “One, two, three...” he counted under his breath, performing CPR just as they had practiced for days in John’s basement. His heart pounded, and sweat dripped down his face, but his hands moved steadily. The taxi raced ahead, weaving through traffic. After another round of compression, a faint breath escaped John’s lips. Relief flooded through him, but he kept going, determined not to stop until they made it to the hospital. Thankfully, John was rushed to the hospital before it was too late. A team of doctors and nurses swiftly sprang into action, undertaking John’s care. Soon after, the medical staff confirmed John was in a stable condition and acknowledged David’s timely CPR had been crucial to saving his life. Having regained consciousness, John saw David by his side and managed a weak smile. “Thanks, buddy,” he whispered. David gently held his friend’s hand, a wave of joy sweeping over him. They realized all those nights of practice hadn’t been just for a test — it had been for life.
Sum（小結(jié)） -- （事件發(fā)生順序）：1．Divide the main plot into 3 parts: before, during, after. · 2．Connect to the given sentences. 3．Delete the unrelated plot. 4．Generalize the repetitive plot. 5．Describe the important plot in detail to create a picture in readers’ mind.
Homework: 評(píng)析并修改自己的作文

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